DeanDeasy's Homepage

DeanDeasy's Homepage http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy Thu, 24 Dec 2009 11:55 EST Thu, 24 Dec 2009 11:55 EST Zorpia.com Me, one or two years from now! http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1931535  <div align="justify">" yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is blessing"  however,,, yesterday is experience, tomorrow is hope, and today is struggle.everybody has his or her own visions of the future, I do wish that someday (insahAllah), one or two years from now,,, i;ll be a better person in every part of my life, in every position that i have; * As a wife for my husband and a mother for my kidsi'll settle down my self on an honorable position; as a wife and also as a mother. This position will lead me to becoming a highly responsible person. with based on Quran and sunnahtullah-hadist we'll be happy and strenght family (insahAllah).* As a child of my parentsi'll take care them as best as i can. present them happiness, though i know that the whole things that i'll have done and the whole happiness that i'll have given them can never repay even the smallest thing that theygiven to me. (mom' ; may Allah give you His best place in jannah, Amen. RIP) (dad' ; I love you, best wishes for you)* As contribution to the societyi'll give the best as i can my self for humanity, i hope that i can live in my society well and keep my comminication with Allah.  i'll do my job as teacher, and if Allah willing me i want visit all my friends (insahAllah)* And most of all ; as a servant of the universe, God Almighty "Allah" it is not for one or two year's vision, but it is my entire life's vision (forever and ever)and i want to love everything because of Allah.I believe that all of "Qadr" (destiny/future) is in Allah's hand. Regardless of challenges that i will face. Human can only plan- whereas Allah is the judge and decision-maker.But i believe that Allah always gives us many ways to cope with things. Finally ; i hope only to Allah the Highest praise only to Allah. (bless, wish, and willing me) Amen.wish and pray for me guys :P :D :) Bismillah,,, *cheer, ganbatte, spirit* :))) </div> Personal http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1931535 Fri, 25 Sep 2009 23:50 EST Love Me, http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1911810 <div align="justify">Have you ever thought that people do not like you? But it could be worse when you couldn't love your self. What people said really meant a lot to me. Indeed, it was so important to that, i often ignore my own feelings, My feeling was such a monster to me. Anxiety and fear haunted me and upset me. I felt that i could never did somthing right - somthing that would make other like me. yea , that silly idea! I was lost in my guilty feeling. I felt so useless!Sometimes, I could feel something mad inside me. It was screaming and strugling to get free from the tigh and dark spirit's prison. Deep down my in heart... And it became harder and harder everyday. im trapped in very difficult time! I asked my self why but could not find the answer?! I wish invisible....Sudenly... i found something! a real islam... It did not cross my mind to find the solution of my problem in islam. Muslim is the best mankind. We have a great pride in the God's side. As a muslims, we should not be weak. we should be proud, strong and tought.It was like waking up from a nightmare. I feel better after knowing that. I know... it took time and needed a proccess before I finally walked as far as this.Maybe im not pretty, sexy, rich, or popular ... But i have so many thing that they probably doesn't have. and yea, only a jerk would judge someone based on someone's physical appearance!from now, I will learn how to love my self just the way I am. I know it's not going to be easy because i dont really like myself. Then how come others could like me while  i couldn't?I think im not supposed to worry anymore, I have to be my own self without feeling guilty... I can feel free, peaceful, and happy... Because im good and God blessed me the day I was born by giving me my Muslim identity. My biggest mistake was letting other control how i felt and tought. I forgot that im the greatest gift of God. I should thanks Allah by accepting and loving His gift what ever it is. Because Allah gives us a life without cursing, then why can't we accepting it without complaining ?well, u know how i felt! it was like falling in a deep and dark hole. It putted me in the midlle of nowhere. Thanks Allah im free now..... LOVE me... just the way I am... </div> Personal http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1911810 Wed, 17 Jun 2009 23:13 EST wRiTTeN oN tHe sTaR http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1902609 Cold night... Owl songs... Starry sky...Do you like star? Mmhh... yes i do! Looked above at the starful sky and enjoyed the wind blowing... im pointed out to one of the brightest stars. Although i cant see it clearly, i know my names are written there,... Probably... Allah writtes it for me... Yeah, because Allah loves me... Yes, He does... *smiled* Personal http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1902609 Wed, 06 May 2009 22:31 EST Jinsei we utsukushii { LiFe iS bEaUtiFuL } http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1898479 <div align="justify">i'm realized, because i have faith. Do you know what it is? you're right, it's because of the spirit of Islam {Allah). We believe that our life is only a place to earn the provosions to reach the next enternal life. The kind of life that offers either enerternal pleasure or misery.Allah is fair... if He wants, in a fraction of a second He can give us all we want. its easy for Him. How ever, He appreciates our efforts, our struggles, it is not the same, the patient, people, and the empaty ones.Heaven is very expensive, its costs much and desperate persons would never enter it.I understand we received much of Allah worthy gifts, most of us realize it only after we lose it.One thing for sure, im so happy now because Allah still gives me the chance to pray, smile, share... im sorry Allah, as a muslim figthers I should be grow up and be strong... ah, JINSEI WE UTSUKUSHII... :))) previously...Nani shiteru?... Kore?Doushite? kokoni ita kuinai no?...Chigau! kokoni iru koto ga suki. Demo, kore o mou ii ...yame taiwakaranaika? :'(Sorewa chigau! Hontou...? Jya, watashini wa, nanno imi...? "d" Dame!! dame! kaere!Gomen... Kami-Sama (Allah) :'( Zutfo sobani ite... Hhh... Cho`, mecha-2, mecha... tsumannasasso~ Genki dashite "d" ... Ganbatte!!! </div> Personal http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1898479 Sun, 19 Apr 2009 22:07 EST In Meditition http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1897215 In Meditation 1 in meditation... Everthing with a soul turn over... Air suck in the last breath... The earth chases man's step... in meditation... water cleans stain... The sky opens with the flapping wings... Angel who scatter fragrant musk,In Meditation 2Many souls die trying to find a peace... On poisoned tusk which torn epidermis...In Meditation 3My soul flies with white flapping wings... In searching for a true love... My artery begin to feel His arriving...In Meditation 4I wake up from my very long deep sleep... Wrapped in a white shroud... Guided by courageous angels...In Meditation 5 My soul flies in a harmonious honesty... Dancing with style... In a heavenly garden...Give up everything to your creator. When you do it, try to feel it, and wish that you see God or atleast God sees you. That's the highest level in meditation. This meditation can wipe away your sins, without decreasing your merit and it can heal you, physical and mental illnesses. The Meditation is called "shalat" that always we do five times a day... { Dzuhur, Ashar, Magrib, Isya, Subuh}. Personal http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1897215 Tue, 14 Apr 2009 21:54 EST Dear God http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1894232 Dear God,im sorry for ignore YOU, I forget YOUR worshipping, im forget my duty... Dear God, im sorry for my bad attitudes, I've done so many mistake and wasted my precious time, im sorry im to admirer and adore this world...Regret... I really am regreting my foolishness,forgive me Allah, ... forgive me...Dear God,im really tired... i miss YOU... i wanna go home... Forgive me...Dear God,give me strenght, patience,... to continuing all of this,Amen. Personal http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1894232 Sat, 04 Apr 2009 02:49 EST the hardest day in my life http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1884860 im weak, i'll keep strong in the same time,im fall, i'll keep try not to fall down, im desperate, but i'll keep to patience more,im loneliness, ... i'll depend on Allah,wish me... keep spirit!!! Personal http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1884860 Sun, 01 Mar 2009 23:40 EST Time 4 Apology! http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1884349 <div align="justify">i write this in earnest in the Name of Allah, The Greatest Many a time i have made mistakes, Maybe i forgot to give and take. I ask for everyone's forgiveness if i have ever caused unpleasantness. E-mails and letters i forgot to reply, Agreements which i did not compy. Promises which are not operational, An unkind word which was unintentional.Please make halal whatever i take from you, Whether it's time or space in your in-box too. There are time swhen i forgot There are also time times when i regret.You know, we are all human beings, Prone to many misunderstandings. Put the past behind us, can u see If you want life full of tranquility.Life is short and full of unpredictness, Hence i wish to ask for your forgiveness. Times to forgive others since it is a virtue If you want Allah to forgive you too...im sorry... </div> Personal http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1884349 Fri, 27 Feb 2009 22:15 EST The Crystal Ball http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1877148 "Crash!"A clear crystal ball hit my forehead. It was broken in to pieces and scattered on the floor. It hurt... "Crash!"Another crystal ball fell upon my chest this time. It was just a clear crystal ball with empty space inside it. I Felt pain... I confusedly asked to my self what happened here?"Hey, where am i ?" there was no one here. the space around me where white and the room had no end; It frightened me, where was I ? "Crash!" Again! A clear crystal ball hit my cheek and bruised it. grrr... and scared! hwo threw the ball? no one here? "Crash!" this time the ball hit my knee... what the hell are you doing?! stop throwing the ball ?! "its empty, Look! the ball is empty. All the ball are empty." that voice suprised me. no one here, it frightened. my heart beat faster. "what do you mean?" i was completely confused. "they are empty. the crystal balls that you always take five times a day empty.""The crystal balls were you prayers. you always do it five times a day as an obligation." My prayer?" how come? "Yes. every muslim gots a crystal ball for a prayer that he does, inside it, there should be a light as proof that he is khusuk when he does his prayer. and your crystal balls are empty!" so, im always not khusuk when performing my prayer!" I was completely surprised. I could not speak at all. I was not khusuk?" "Do you understand! "Crash!" "Crash!" "Crash!"... Many crystal balls hit my body from all direction. "God... what's happening? God... Help! I cried and cried...The rain of crystal balls stopped coming. It still white, completely white, bt i saw the blood, my blood! "God please let me go back to real world. I promise that i will be khusuk in perfoming my prayers."Sudenly, the crystal ball fractions started moving. They joined together forming a very huge crystal ball. It flew away and... it was moving toward me! "Noooo...!!" "Help! Help!" The ball came to me and closer and closer. I felt tired and it was difficult to breath. But the ball kept moving and... "Thud!"Thanks God it was just a dream. I had fallen a sleep when i perfomed my sujud of my night prayer. God, was it true that I was never khusuk when perfoming my prayer? I was angry to my self. suddenly tears wet my eyes.I heard adzan voiced beautifully from the mosque. it was time for morning prayer!God, please give the Strength to be khusuk doing my prayer... Amen. Religion & Ethics http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1877148 Sun, 01 Feb 2009 22:52 EST a day without YOU http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1862328 a day without YOU is like one moment without air, like one day without food and a week without water; a day without YOU is like a month without sunshine or shelter;a day without YOUR voice like a year absent from the sound of music, or of birds, or of rain and thunder;a day without YOUR comfort is a week without sleep, for my heart knows no rest, an my nights give no peace;a day without YOUR love, and my days empty of beauty;a day without speaking with YOU is like years alone in the wilderness or deserted island;a day without YOU is like a year in prison;a day without YOU in my life is like no life at all !!!oneday, when i meet YOU... would YOU will receive me with YOUR soft, tender hand waiting 2 hold me in YOUR arms, which show love n' care?someday, in the JUDGEMENT day!!!   Romance & Relationships http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1862328 Mon, 08 Dec 2008 23:18 EST The Day I Took my Hijrah http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1862313 Who am i ?! what am i ?! did i make decision 2 become what i am ?! or my fate has twisted me, dragged me 2 become what i am ?! or my own lack of knowladge had plunged me 2 this world ?! at the moment... i feel so empty, feel so useless... what i am 2 do with my life ?! do you know ? are you afraid 2 die? then sudenly... I made a choice 2 do what i did, I make a chose for God sake! cos' life is a choice.. Allah Willing or Allah anger?"well here i am... "I may not know what kind of life awaits me, I may not know what peril will hinder my journey... But I do know this... Allah had permitted me 2 live, and I am willing..." The Day I Took my Hijrah. Personal http://in.zorpia.com/DeanDeasy/journal/1862313 Mon, 08 Dec 2008 22:21 EST